Why is sex so amazing in an affair? What does God have to say about it?

Within weeks of Open The Boxx becoming a reality, I started wrestling with what I think subconsciously haunts a lot of women. Somehow, even after you're married, sex feels dirty. Dirty may show up in different ways. It could be only a slight feeling of hesitance, inhibition or maybe a stronger resistance. Nevertheless, there is something there that creates a roadblock for women in the bedroom. We'll call it "dirty" for the sake of this article.

Why is it when sex should be free reign and "let's get it on" (insert Marvin Gaye's voice)....does it look more like, "let's get this done" (insert check this off your list voice). Not only do our minds and emotions not meet us in the sheets, often times, our bodies don't either.

Or... lets say you had more "experience" prior to getting married... I don't want to leave you out either. Are you surprised that sex inside marriage isn't the passion filled ridiculousness you once knew? Or have we chalked up life and responsibilities as the perpetrator that sucked the passion out of your love life?

I sat down one night and tried to dig deep into how this is possible and how to begin undoing it? I landed with the thought that I needed to somehow return purity to sex. After all, if its pure, then it can't be dirty...problem solved. I wrestled until I realized that if God created it, it is pure. My issue is that the world has contaminated it so severely that I was completely lost on how to get sex back to its original state. Furthermore, what if I feel like my spouse isn't helping either? They are contributing to it feeling "dirty". How in the heck do I get my perception and mindset of sex back to how God intended it?

This seems like a really good time for an analogy: Let's take laughter. Laughter is something we do with our minds and our bodies. In its purest form, when we genuinely find the hilarity in something, it is a whole mind/body experience (You might even cry, you might even pee a little. lol!). Even better, it doesn't come with one ounce of guilt or shame (except for maybe the pee). Our mindset about laughter is that it is normal, widely accepted and encouraged. In fact, there is a verse about it, "Laughter is the best medicine." (paraphrased Proverbs 17:22) If laughter is pure and acceptable, what the crap happened to sex? I mean He blessed us with it in Genesis 1:28...He freaking created it!

In my quest to understand how sex got twisted up and turned around; I had this question rise up within me. Why then, is sex said to be so amazing in an affair?

At first, I hesitated pointing such a question towards God. I mean, it can't be respectful... He's too Holy to have that conversation, right? But, I was in the middle of praying anyway and its not like He doesn't know our thoughts. In fact, I'm pretty confident the Holy Spirit is the one that dropped that thought in the middle of our conversation. So... Why not ask the source?! The answer He revealed to me blew my mind and set the stage and urgency for the mission of Open the Boxx.

He said, "If you settle the moral issue before you ever get to the bedroom, you enter the bedroom with no inhibitions and no hesitation." BOOM!

Basically, if I decide to do something wrong (i.e. have an affair), I have settled the moral issue before I ever get to the bedroom and proceed with no inhibition. I am fully present and fully ready to engage in what I chose competely undistracted by the previously settled moral hazard. Inside marriage, we don't get to settle any moral issues before we get to the bedroom. Woah! We have to find a way to settle this issue once and for all!

He brought me right back to the issue that our mindset and perception of sex being dirty HAS to change in order to experience sex as He designed it! In that same moment, I realized that re-wiring women's minds with permission for sexual pleasure would become a primary focus of Open The Boxx. The reality is that He created us and choosing not to celebrate every part He created is denying his Lordship.

T R U T H B O M B // The truth is that sex inside an affair allows for an experience with no inhibitions BUT is all based on a bed of lies without the blessing of the Father. How much more could you experience with no inhibitions, on a bed of truth with the blessing of the Father?!

I realize this is just scratching the surface and that there are a number of other reasons that sex in an affair is said to look and feel different. Not to mention, why sex is said to be better in an affair for men. That is for another Blog for another day. Also, to be very clear, God IS NOT okay with affairs (I feel it wise to mention that because of the Blog title) but He can use whatever He chooses us to lead us back to Him.

So, for today, we'll let this revelation simmer and I'll leave you with this challenge: If is it widely accepted as wisdom that we should look in the mirror to begin to solve a relationship issue... wouldn't it be true in this case too? Would you be willing to trust God with whatever concerns you have about your spouse while you start working on your own perception and mindset towards sexual pleasure?

To encourage you before we conclude, if you take out testosterone and look at the number of places women are marked for pleasure, we should be asking for it more than they do! With that, this journey will be wild and worth it, will you join me? If so, please like our Facebook page and join the private men and women's group. Please consider joining us for our Launch Party in January (Women Only to start).

Night Night for now...

Mrs. Goodnight

Disclaimer: 1) I am not suggesting you stay in an abusive situation. If you are concerned that is you current reality, I will gladly refer you to someone to help you in that area. 2) I am not judging anyone that has been or is in an affair. I will speak the truth and will gladly celebrate that you are back home (because you already ended it) or help you find your way home. You are dearly loved and if any of these words sting, it is not a direct attack but rather your ears ringing from the sound of heaven calling you to your abundant life.

#sex #marriage #inihibitions #divorce